Tag: self help

The $100 Rule

Posted on by Adam LiVecchi

Financial freedom is not just about having more than enough money. Financial freedom is also about money not having you. There are many people who have no money, but money has them. Then there are a few people who have money, but money doesn’t have them. The question is not how much money do you have. The real question is how much does money have you? As a young man I had an almost fatal attraction to money, and what you can acquire with money. Over the last 13 years I have learned that the most valuable things in life are priceless and no amount of money can buy what people really want. I know we need money to pay bills and live, I am not naive to the reality of real life, in fact the website you are reading this blog on isn’t free so I get it.

I want to share something that I did that was really stupid. This is very personal but I am sharing it with you because I think it can benefit you. Your well being is more important to me than my ego or image. About 6 years ago I was a newly married. Sarah and I were married less than a year or so when I made a rookie mistake. The mistake wasn’t what I bought, it was when I bought it and how I bought it; with a credit card. I bought a Thompson Chain Bible, sent it to Texas and had it wrapped in calfskin and then had it sent to me in New Jersey. This Bible is so nice, they wouldn’t write my name on it. When I asked if they could engrave my name on the bottom right of the front cover of the Bible they said, “we don’t do that, this is a calfskin Bible.” This was a $250.00 purchase. When my wife found out what I did she was pretty upset, and for her to be upset is very uncommon. In fact in my marriage if I don’t create a problem I will have no problems. My wife Sarah is a beautiful, patient, considerate woman. So this purchase led us to what we call the $100 rule. Neither one of us will spend more than $99.99 without the consent of the other. What this says is that – you are more important than what I want. We have both committed to value each other over what we may want in the moment. This rule is easy for her but hard for me. It has become easier over time now. If I was a perfect steward of money we probably wouldn’t need this rule, but it has served us well. As we pay off debt and earn more the rule may become the $250 rule but for now we are keeping it the $100 rule. A large portion of fighting and divorce is over money. Setting financial rules of engagement is very important especially if you want to have a peaceful and lifelong marriage. If you are single it still pays to set financial boundaries for yourself. I am hoping that my transparency and vulnerability can save you an unnecessary calamity. If you choose to be accountable now with your spouse or a trusted friend you are actually protecting your future. This is only the beginning. I can’t wait to tell you about a $4000.00 mistake I made. My intentions for sharing my mistakes is so that my lessons learned would be your problems avoided. I just want to save you pain, tears, money and time. 

The World has Changed

Posted on by Adam LiVecchi

People who find it hard to accept reality say, the world is changing. People who understand reality, know the world has changed. People who are ahead of their time get critized, but people who don’t change will get left behind. We have to choose who we will be. Let me explain what two intelligent businessmen explained to me recently. “The largest media company in the world doesn’t produce media; Facebook. The largest retail store in the world doesn’t own a store; Amazon. The largest taxi service in the world doesn’t own a cab; Uber. The largest hotel chain in the world doesn’t own a hotel; Airbnb.” With a push of the button you can share your thoughts with the world, get a cab, rent a hotel or buy whatever you are want and have it delivered to your doorstep. I must say all of this is cool and very helpful. It definitely increases our ability to be both productive and profitable. However there are two cautions that I have about all this convenience.

2 cautions concerning convenience.

  1. Subtly we can begin to think the world exists to serve us.
  2. All of the convenience can make us more and more impatient and that is dangerous.

If we take these mentalities and apply them to our most meaningful relationships the results can be tragic. If we come to relationships for only what we can get we will have very broken, dysfunctional and unproductive relationships. If we are impatient, we are actually unloving and love is at the center of all meaningful, sustainable and productive relationships. So it’s cool to let convenience speed us up and make us more productive and more profitable but we have to be careful that convenience doesn’t make us more narcissistic day by day. Although the world has changed and is changing there are some things that are enduring. There are somethings that will never change such as God, his word and the evidence of his residence in those who believe. Those unchanging realties give us clear reference points and help us navigate change and uncertainties with clarity and certainty.

Discover Your Strengths

Posted on by Adam LiVecchi

If you want to discover your strengths keep reading. Strengths Finder 2.0 is extremely helpful. All of the core members of our team have taken the test and know their number one strength. One of the members of our team took the test and found out that her top strength was empathy. She was pretty surprised almost astonished. Her exact words were, “I always thought this was a weakness of mine and even my mom told me this was a weakness.” That day she learned that what she thought was one of her greatest weaknesses was actually her greatest strength. We also learned that well-meaning people who are close to us and actually want the best for us could be clearly wrong in their perception of us. Taking the test at the end of the book made her more comfortable and more confident in her own skin. Now she is positioned to be more productive. The results helped both the individual and the organization; it was a win win for everyone. Now as a team leader I am not putting anyone in a position until we first know his or her number one strength. By not putting people in positions prematurely I am protecting the person, the team and the productivity of the organization. Now the person won’t be frustrated and I want be disappointed.

Not only did strengths finder 2.0 help my team it also helped my marriage. My wife Sarah’s number one strength is belief. She is an amazing woman with strong convictions. When I married her she was a 26-year-old virgin. In todays twisted culture that is something to be proud of. Her belief in Jesus and her value for herself made this possible. Her belief is what makes many of the mundane things she does on a daily basis meaningful. We do almost everything together. I am more of a pioneer; she is more of a developer. My number one strength is strategic. Which makes sense because almost everything that I am a part of, I am leading. Since taking strengths finder 2.0 my wife and I understand one another better, work better together and get a long better because we are relating to one another based on our strengths not our shortcomings. If you want to make the most of your relationships make sure you relate to others based on their strengths not their shortcomings. Often our greatest asset is also our greatest liability. Self control is the only thing that prevents our greatest asset from becoming our greatest liability.  

For further proof that strengths finder really works check out this data gathered by a Gallup poll, here. The data does not lie. If you would like to get a copy of Strengths Finder 2.0 click here.

3 safe assumptions 

Posted on by Adam LiVecchi

Generally it is not wise to make assumptions. Unfortunately I have learned this the hard way. You can either ask questions or make assumptions. If you want answers, ask questions. If you want problems build your expectations about reality on merely assumptions. Assumptions often lead to false assumptions. False assumptions often lead to miss understandings, which usually lead to a downward spiral. When it relates to others we should ask questions when we are able to. However there are times in life where we are relying on our own perceptions of people or circumstances and we have to move forward without all of the facts. In cases like that all we can do is go with what we perceive. In life we are always estimating and assuming stuff. We estimate how long our commute home will take. We assume that our house will be there when we get there. As we forecast reality we need to be able to make some safe assumptions. Think of it like bringing your umbrella to work when it is very overcast and moist in the morning but not yet raining. Or like a life preserving raft on a boat or a seat belt in a car. Life will blind side you so make sure you wear your seatbelt.

3 safe assumptions you can make.

  1. Things will take longer than you thought.
  2. Things will cost more than you thought.
  3. The people you trust will let you down more than your thought.

Things will take longer than you thought because there are many variables that are out of your control which can prohibit things happening exactly when and how you planned them to happen. All the planning in the world can not stop something that is out of your control. So enjoy the process and be patient with yourself and others. Things will cost more than you thought because things break, and it costs money for parts and labor. A first time home owner, a first time parent or first time Mercedes Benz owner can attest to this reality. When you buy something nice be sure to research the cost of maintenance and factor that into your decision. Also having an emergency fund is a wise way to prevent a problem from becoming a crisis. The people you trust will let you down more than you thought. This is a painful reality because you trusted them. You can avoid unnecessary disappointment by verbalizing your expectations. Once you verbalize your expectations then you can determine if those expectations are realistic or not. Unverbalized expectations almost always leads to disappointment. It is important to factor in let downs and disappointments into your meaningful relationships. Give people permission to be human. Meaningful relationships are not perfect because we are not perfect. Be merciful because one day you will need some mercy.

Are you growing?

Posted on by Adam LiVecchi

Just because you are getting older doesn’t mean you are growing up. Just because you are getting older doesn’t mean you are getting wiser. Growth is a choice. It doesn’t happen by accident, it happens on purpose. Someone who knows they need to grow, will be humble. Someone who is humble, will be teachable. So to know if you are growing find out if you are teachable. Below are 7 ways to identify if you are growing.

7 ways to identify if you are teachable.

  1. If you are teachable you desire to learn.
  2. If you are teachable you put into practice what you have learned.
  3. If you are teachable you learn from your mistakes and the mistakes of others.
  4. If you are teachable you are willing to admit when you are wrong.
  5. If you are teachable you are willing to take correction and make right what is wrong.
  6. If you are teachable you don’t just learn from your leaders, you learn from your piers and even those who you perceive to be under you.
  7. If you are teachable you are slow to speak. If you are not slow to speak usually you think you know more than you really do.

“If you don’t apply what you have been taught you are not teachable.” –Sarah LiVecchi. You are not the best one to determine if you are teachable. A trusted friend who is perceptive and emotionally healthy is better suited to tell you the truth. Your growth is determined by your ability to be teachable and accountable. Remember the seeds of true greatness only grow on the grounds of humility. When you are humble you attract the help you need to get where you are going.

Self Neglect VS Self Denial

Posted on by Adam LiVecchi

You have a relationship with yourself. Jesus knew that and so he said, “love your neighbor as yourself.” He also said, “take up your cross deny yourself and follow me.” So which one should we do? Both. In fact doing one empowers us to do the other. Whether we know it or not we have a relationship with ourselves. Whether we speak out loud to ourselves or not we have an ongoing conversation with ourselves so we might as well be nice. Self Neglect is not denying yourself. Denying yourself is putting away sinful thoughts, speech and actions that lead to bad habits and harmful consequences. If you neglect yourself long enough you will not have the strength to deny yourself. Let me give you a practical example. I will use myself so as to not project my issue on you. If I wait too long to eat, I will most likely over eat or eat something that is unhealthy do to the level of hunger that I am feeling at the time. If I don’t neglect myself and I prepare for my day by having a healthy snack with me chances are a lot higher that I will not over eat and that I will probably eat something healthy. So preparing a healthy snack such as cashews or almonds is a practical way that I can love myself. Because I am not neglecting myself, I am positing myself not to eat two slices of pizza while I am out and about. Sometimes loving yourself is just thinking ahead and being prepared to make better choices that you won’t regret later. The more we care for ourselves now, the less regret we will have later. I have never regretted drinking a protein shake, however I  have regretted drinking a huge milkshake.

Many people think they are denying themselves when actually they are neglecting themselves. Jesus is the most amazing example of someone who did not neglect himself, but did denied himself so much that he never even sinned once. Not in thought, word or action. He knew exactly what he needed to do so that he could do what God was requiring him to do. We need to learn from his example. There were times where the disciples were sleeping and Jesus was praying. There were other times when the disciples were up wide awake and afraid in a storm, but Jesus was sleeping. If you love yourself, you will take care of yourself and that will allow you to deny yourself in other areas of life when temptations come. This is not about finger pointing its about soul searching. Being rested and prayerful will make you better able to care for yourself and deny yourself. 

I will leave you with 3 questions that will help you turn this blog post into an action plan that will help you make progress in your own life. 

  1. What is a practical way that you can love yourself today? (This must be productive, not destructive.)
  2. Is there an area in your life that you need to deny yourself?
  3. Is there an area in your life where you have been neglecting yourself?

Remember to care for yourself, invest in yourself and deny yourserlf. You are valuable, you matter!