Tag: self help

Reality

Posted on by Adam LiVecchi

Reality for some is more like a nightmare. For the rest of us it is uncomfortable and at times painful. Reality is like getting on the scale and weighing yourself after a cruise. It’s like looking in the mirror after you have spent the day in bed with the flu. It’s like checking your credit card balance when you have debt and your no interest for 12 months credit card just went up to 24.99%. Reality is something we all have to deal with no matter how much we may try to run from it. We are not our facebook account, we are certainly not the picture we just posted of ourself on Instagram with multiple filters on it, trying to do whatever we can to hide who and what we really are. We are all those pictures in our phone that never made Instagram. Honestly the filters on Instagram are good, the ones on snap seed are even better but we must remember that we are the person before the filter. If we are going to have meaningful relationships we must remember that those relationships start with us first being real with ourselves. We can only be as real with others as we are with our self. Invest some time today being honest with yourself because you are valuable. Stop, think, reflect and make the necessary changes that will help you become who you are supposed to be. So you can do what you are supposed to do. So you can help those you are supposed to help. #YouMatter

The power of persistence 

Posted on by Adam LiVecchi

When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. – Franklin D. Roosevelt

Most people aren’t persistent long enough to see what they have actually labored for. Usually we come to a breaking point before we actually break through. Often the thing that we think is going to break us down is actually the thing that is really building us up. Often the very thing we run from is what we need most. We often want our circumstances to change but in all reality it is us who need to change. Abner Suarez said, “It’s not our circumstances that need to change it’s our perspective of our circumstances that needs to change.” When you have the right perspective being persistent seems, feels and is actually easier. I am not saying it’s easy, if it were everyone would be doing it. I am simply saying that the right perspective energizes persistence.

Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful individuals with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. – Calvin Coolidge 

The most successful people spiritually, physically and financially were the ones who refused to give up. Persistence is a choice, not a feeling. Everyone feels like giving up, but successful people were the ones who decided to consistently live above their feelings. Their passion and purpose caused them to be persistent. As this happened they began to grow through the process. The end result was that they grew enough on the inside that they then became able to steward what they persisted for. Almost anyone who has done anything significant has been through hell and back. The resistance we face tests our persistence. You will not fulfill God’s purpose for your life without persistence. So keep on doing what is right, whether it is costing you or making you a lot of money. Keep on doing what you know to do. Keep on being faithful with what you have been given. Faith pleases God. God rewards faithfulness. Faith is a belief; faithfulness is when you live that belief to the fullest.

Dealing with disappointment

Posted on by Adam LiVecchi

If you don’t deal with your disappointment it will deal with you. We all have problems; we all have dealt with pain. We all have experienced disappointments on some level. We have been lied to, lied about, falsely accused, abused and used. While the pain, problems and disappointments are real we must choose hope instead. Rodney McBride said, “Faith is often strengthened right at the place of disappointment.” If we respond correctly to disappointment we grow in faith, hope and perseverance. If we don’t respond to disappointment correctly we become discouraged, disillusioned and depressed. Here is an example. You were engaged, you thought it was going to work out but you found out that the man of your dreams was really a nightmare. You were hurt badly and the downward spiral began. You became disappointed, disappointment grew into discouragement, discouragement grew into disillusionment and that can cause severe depression or even self-destruction. The “you” may not really be you but it is “someone.” I gave you this role-playing scenario as a parable. The circumstances may be different but the negative downward spiral began in the place of disappointment. If you want to protect your future you must guard your heart.
 
Disappointment is a real place, it’s ok to visit but don’t live there. When you experience disappointment you are learning that maybe you scheduled the wrong appointment. Maybe you trusted the wrong person. Maybe you made a good decision with the right motives but the timing was wrong. Maybe you didn’t listen to a voice of wisdom and stability in your life. Maybe you did something you know you shouldn’t have done. For me personally, the deepest and hardest to handle disappointments are the ones that were my fault. The ones I could have avoided. If that is you what you will need to do is assume responsibility for your mistake or bad decision and learn a lesson from it, forgive yourself and move on. If you are feeling courageous share your story with someone else so that you can help someone avoid the pain that you went through. You can either have wisdom or regret, the choice is yours. If someone else is the source of your disappointment forgive them and put your hope in Jesus alone. Here are three things that I learned from disappointment. I hope my pain can be your gain.

How trust is built

Posted on by Adam LiVecchi

Trust is built slowly. The more consistent you are the more trustworthy you will be. Everyone wants to be loved and cared for; everyone wants to be trusted. When we speak we want people to listen to us and believe us. When we belong it means we are both loved and trusted. The Bible teaches us to love people unconditionally because God loved us unconditionally. However, the Bible does not teach that we should trust people unconditionally. The Scripture is clear that Jesus – although he loved everyone – did not trust everyone. See John 2:23-25. Personally, I will only trust someone as much as their integrity allows me to trust them.

5 ways to build trust.

  1. Admit when you are wrong. The more you do this publicly the more people identify with you.
  2. Be on time, apologize when you are late and call people back.
  3. Do what you say. Integrity is essential. He who sows integrity reaps trust. Under promise and over deliver.
  4. Say what you mean and mean what you say: Be honest and don’t flatter people.
  5. Talk to people, not about people. If you speak about people, others will hear you, and will not trust you. 

Integrity

Posted on by Adam LiVecchi

The wisest and wealthiest man to ever live said, “the integrity of the upright shall guide them.” Integrity is a guide, it gives us direction. Integrity instructs us with what to do next. Someone who has integrity may not have a blueprint for the rest of their life, but they intuitively know what is the next right decision. C.S. Lewis said, “integrity is doing the right thing even when no one is watching.” When someone has integrity they are honest with God, themselves and others. If you have integrity you do what you say, you mean what you say, and you admit when you are wrong.

Integrity is not about perfection, it’s about authenticity. Hypocrisy is when we project an image of ourselves that is not who we really are. Hypocrisy is the opposite of integrity. Hypocrisy tells others that we are not trustworthy, serious or safe. Our integrity tells others that we are trustworthy. If people don’t see our integrity they won’t want to hear our truth. If we are honest most of us would say that we are recovering hypocrites who are being changed into people of integrity who mean what they say, do what they say, and are what they project. If we want to have real meaningful relationships then we need to keep it real with ourselves and others.

Our integrity will determine both our longevity and our legacy. King Solomon said this, “The just man walks in his integrity: his children are blessed after him.” Again we see that integrity gives us direction and provides our children with blessing. We can protect our children’s future by living with integrity now. Let integrity lead you to do the next right thing, it will effect you, your family, your friends and your future. Remember this, the more integrity you have, the less regrets you will have. 

How are your Emotions?

Posted on by Adam LiVecchi

How are your emotions? How you manage your emotions will determine the quality of your life. How you mange your emotions will determine how much people trust you. There is a direct connection between how you manage your feelings and how you manage your friendships. Many people are like a hard drive that is 98 % full and slowing down. When the hard drive is very close to full the computer is not only slower but it is also at risk of crashing. Crashing could mean that you loose what you have because you didn’t protect it well. Many people are one situation away from a meltdown. Your mind, will and emotions are limited in both strength and space. Keeping a clear conscience is not just about admitting when you are wrong or confessing sin, its also about managing your emotions. If you don’t manage your emotions you may have a meltdown. The same way if you don’t make space on the hard drive and just keep saving stuff your computer may eventually crash. The end result of not managing emotions could even be murder or suicide, so this is a very serious thing. Your emotional health is determined by what you internalize and what you externalize. Here is a model I have used especially during hard times.


What to Internalize and what to Externalize.

Internalize – think about and focus on.

  1. What God says in his word (the Bible) and by his Holy Spirit.
  2. What God does. (The Testimonies of the Lord)
  3. Success. (What I have learned from what I did right) 
  4. The lessons I have learned and why? (What I learned from my failures)
  5. Good advice I have received from wise counselors.

Externalize – write them down on paper until you are done processing what was presented to you. 

  1. Problems
  2. Needs
  3. Temptation
  4. Criticism
  5. Failures

We should write down what we internalize as well. The reason I am saying to write down what you are externalizing is so that your problems don’t occupy precious and priceless space in your soul. I hope this helps you process what emotions you are feeling. Remember, emotions make a great servant but a terrible master. 

4 Keys to Productivity

Posted on by Adam LiVecchi

Highly productive people are strategic about what they do, intentional about how, why and when they do it and are relentlessly committed as they are doing it. If you want to be more and do more this blog is for you. If you believe you can do more because of the vision, passion and mission you have been given then this blog is for you.

4 Keys to Productivity 

  1. Prepare – for what you will do. A man once asked Abraham Lincoln “If you had 8 hours to cut a tree down what would you do?” Lincoln replied, “I would sharpen my axe for 6 hours.” The more prepared we are the easier it is to execute what we are actually trying to do.
  2. Plan– for how and when you will do it. “Failing to plan is planning to fail.” (John C Maxwell) If you don’t care about what you are doing you will not prepare yourself for it or plan how and when you will do it. The more you care about who you are and what you are doing the more seriously you will take planning. Just think about how much planning goes into a wedding. The wedding is a very important and expensive day; therefore a lot of planning goes into that day. Whatever we value we plan for.
  3. Focus – while you are doing it. In reality most of us are very busy and easily distracted. When we are doing something that really matters we should give that something or that someone our undivided attention. The more we focus on what we are doing, the faster and more effective we will be. We spend a lot of time and money on unnecessary things because we don’t pay close attention to details. Only when we really focus can we really put our best foot forward.
  4. Persevere– following through until you have done it. Often the only difference between failure and success is perseverance. Most people quit right before they begin to win. If you are someone who is motivated and led by feelings you will struggle with perseverance. However if you value choices over feelings you will choose perseverance and have your due reward for not quitting. Often in life we come to a breaking point right before we enter into a breakthrough. If you are doing something good for God and people, don’t quit. I have never met someone that regretted persevering when it came to doing what was right and good. However I have met many people who live with “I should have”, “I could have” but “I didn’t”. If you are that person let go of regret and go finish that good thing you started. It is not too late to do what is right. You have a choice to make today. Don’t quit! 

How the Media Controls People

Posted on by Adam LiVecchi

What if the media was strategically putting their message directly into your mind? What if they had a proven scientific strategy to bypass your logic and implant their message deep into the recesses of your mind? They do. But who are they? I am glad you asked. They are communists, terrorists, liberals and even conservatives. I am not writing this to scare you. I am not a conspiracy theorist. I am not writing this so that you stop watching the news. However, I am writing this so you watch the news with a filter on so that their message doesn’t end up deep in your memory bank without you choosing to put it there. What is bizarre about this whole thing is that people who believe completely different things all use the same strategy. The strategy is very simple and I will illustrate it and then show you another unrelated example that has affected all of us. Step one: they show you a disturbing image that breeds fear. This shuts down your frontal lobe, which is your logic center. Step two: they take their message and bypass your logic and put it directly into your memory bank. They do this without you accepting or believing it. Practically and scientifically speaking here is how they do it. They show you frightening images with disturbing sounds they shut down the frontal lobe in your brain. Their goal is control. They accomplish it through fear. Remember this, whatever you are afraid of is what rules you. The media uses fear to bypass our logic and control us. If we reject fear they cannot control us. My friend Khalid from Pakistan said, “danger is real, but fear is a choice.” So reject fear and then process the information logically instead of just emotionally. Emotions are great, they make a great servant but a terrible master.

Here is another illustration of how fear shuts down the logical side of your brain in real life. You are watching a scary movie, you hear a loud sound coming from a darkroom in the movie scene and you jump. What just happened here? Fear shut down the frontal lobe or the logic side of your brain. In that moment you forgot that the movie was filmed long ago in a faraway land called Hollywood and that everything is happening on the TV screen. Because you forgot that, you reacted in fear to something that you have absolutely no reason to be afraid of.

If you would like to read an article that explains how fear affects the brain click here.

How Powerful People Think.

Posted on by Adam LiVecchi

Powerful people don’t think I can’t, they think how can I? They don’t think this won’t work, they think how can we make this work? Powerful people don’t focus on the problem they focus on solutions and strategies. Let me share with you a private conversation I had with a powerful person who is happy, humble and really down to earth. This man is an inventor, an investor, a philanthropist and an evangelist. He is a good husband to one woman for many years and a good father to his children. He feeds orphans daily and sends young people to college that are not even his children. God has blessed him and he has made some right decisions over the course of his life and now he lives to give. I have leaned a lot from him. His life has taught me that the purpose of prosperity is generosity. 

One day while in another country with my good friend I asked him, what does it feel like to be powerful? I said to him, you can buy a Mercedes or a house in the Caribbean or go on vacation for a few months. You can do virtually whatever you want. What does that feel like? When you get up in the morning what do you feel like? At first he really didn’t have an answer. In fact he said that it was a good question and that no one had ever asked him that before. From my question I learned that a good question is a question that has never been asked before. Not only will the asker grow from the answer, but the one answering the question will grow also because now he is thinking about something he never thought about before. The next day he answered me in a more clear and definitive way. He said, “to be honest it feels good to know that I can buy my wife a Lexus cash, but honestly I really don’t think about it until we need a car.” When he said that a thought hit me like a ton of bricks. Powerful people don’t allow useless thoughts to occupy precious head space. In other words my friend doesn’t wake up thinking about what he can buy or where he can go, he only thinks about what is pertinent to now. Because he planned for tomorrow he doesn’t have to worry about it. Powerful people live in now. They may plan for tomorrow, but they refuse to worry about it. Remember this if you are worrying about tomorrow you are probably not planning for it wisely, because fear and worry shut down the logical part of your brain. So worrying about tomorrow will mess up both today and tomorrow, making yesterday rather appealing. Powerful people don’t live in yesterday or tomorrow they live in now. You can’t be powerful living in the past or the future, because you live in now. If you are attentive to now, tomorrow will be better than if you focused on yesterday or worried about tomorrow. Whether you are day dreaming about the house or the car of your dreams, or worrying about how you are going to pay your bills. Dreaming and worrying are not how powerful think. Powerful think about what is the next right decision based on who I am, where I am, where I am going and what I value. Powerful people practice self control, which helps them to stay focused on what is most important. The more self control you have the more powerful you are. Powerful people don’t control others they control themselves.

3 things powerful people don’t think about.

  1. Powerful people don’t worry about what is out of their control.
  2. Powerful people don’t allow useless things to occupy precious head space.
  3. Powerful people don’t live in the past, they are focused on the next right decision.

A $4000 Mistake

Posted on by Adam LiVecchi

Money will not make you happy, but debt will make you unhappy. – John C Maxwell. If you have ever been in debt you know this to be a painful reality. King Solomon who was literally the wisest and wealthiest man to ever live said, “the borrower is servant to the lender.” Before we move any further I want you to see the connection between wealth and wisdom. Yes there are rich fools, but there is a undeniable connection between wisdom and wealth. With that being said, I want to share with you one of the stupidest things that I have even done. It cost me $4000 dollars to know the difference between faith and presumption. John C Maxwell said, “if you want to impress someone tell them about your successes. If you want to impact someone tell them the stupidest thing that you have ever done and the lessons that you learned from it.” I am more interested in having a positive impact than portraying a false image of myself. In others words I am sharing my pain for your gain.

On June 27th, 2009 at 12:00 pm I married Sarah Bruce and in a moment she became Sarah LiVecchi. The next day we left for the beautiful Dominican Republic. There we helped lead a missions team and then stayed in the 5 star RIU Palace Punta Cana right on the beach for a 15 day honeymoon. We came home for about two weeks and then headed to Nicaragua to serve the poor with Impact Nations. It was exciting, we were newly married excited about life, each other and what we were doing. The $4000 mistake was the Nicaragua trip. The mistake wasn’t going and serving the poor. Remember what Jesus said, “what you have done to the least of these you have done unto me.” The mistake was not being prepared for the trip, not fundraising before the trip. The mistake was using a credit card when we didn’t have the money to pay for the trip. It became very apparent to me why MasterCard is called MasterCard. If you use the card and do not have the money that card will really become your master. What we were doing was right, but how we went about it was wrong. The problem was that we presumed we would have enough money from our wedding to pay for the trip, unfortunately we were both sincerely wrong. Our motives were right, our actions were right, but our presumption cost us $4000 dollars. Remember this, faith prepares not presumes. Faith is about preparation not presumption. Faith plans and prepares, faith does not assume and presume. It is important to know that having the right motives is not enough. You also need to make the right plans and the right preparations. I no longer have any regret from this mistake, now I have a lesson learned. I didn’t have foresight, but I gained some priceless insight for the price of $4000 USD. I am hoping that my lesson learned can be your problem avoided.